she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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