Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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