At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
