Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
