Can i not drive my cunt home
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
