I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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