i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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