we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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