she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
