The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
