Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
