How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize