i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
