No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cannot find my penis.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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