If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
