took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
