I just threw up on my dentist
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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