Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
