how can u be prego again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
