she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
