your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize