Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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