Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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