some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
