I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize