I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
