We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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