oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
