yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
