why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
