please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize