don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
