we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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