So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
