I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
