I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
