if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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