My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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