It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
