accomplished twins. life is a go
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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