i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
