I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You took a bar mat shot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Damn victory sex feels great
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