Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
