it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
