He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
