For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
