so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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