A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
