from now on my penis is your penis
so let's talk penis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
