No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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