I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
