I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
