saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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