My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
