Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
