never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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