Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
