What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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