I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize