is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
