Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
