I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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