Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
