i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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