She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
