Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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