I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's official drugs can't kill me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
