so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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