It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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