i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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