I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize