Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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