Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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