ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
