just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't deserve a penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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