we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
