I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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