Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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