I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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