ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
