he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
