did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
