Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
