Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
