are you so shy because you have an std?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
