why didn't you poke me back
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
