i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
