we have officially lost it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize