But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
