mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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