So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
