Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
