I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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