did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
