The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
