Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
even my farts smell like vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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