There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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