i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
