Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
