Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
