you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
