I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So much rum. So many feels.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
